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It just felt so comfortable being around her like this, as if she'd been a part of my life for many years. And then I realized what I was doing and pulled back suddenly. Even in my drunken state, I knew it wouldn't be proper.There was a flicker of disappointment in her eyes as she similarly backed away and sat up straight. At least I wanted to think it was disappointment.After a moment of just looking into my eyes, she fixed me with a concerned expression and said, "So I'm guessing things didn't go so well with Nicole?" You would be guessing correctly." I'm sorry..." And she really meant it.I saw in her eyes total acceptance. No judgment, just understanding and sympathy. And somehow, someway, I felt safe with her. That's when the waterworks opened up.I was crying, and the next thing I knew my head was buried against her shoulder as I sobbed without restraint. She just hugged my head against her, quietly cooing and whispering words I couldn't comprehend and yet understood.Cassandra. But Gloria did ask somequestions about why I needed to become a woman and how did I like it sofar. She seemed to accept my explanations at face value. And that was goodbecause I told it like it is. Almost my whole life I looked in the mirrorand saw a boy and then a man but I wanted to see a girl and then a woman.But I never told anyone. My therapist explained it as a shame response. Iwas ashamed to want to be a woman. The shame was so great that I did lotsof manly things to cover things up. I went out for all the athletic teamsin high school and at college I took on a sloppy look with long hair andpierced ears. But I did like girls. I got laid as often as the next guy.After graduation from college I got a good paying job and had enough moneyto afford to cross dress. Although I rarely went out I spent many weekendsas Monica. Sometimes I put on a nice outfit and went for a long drive. Butthis wasn't enough. I saw a therapist who worked with me to help me findmyself. After about six.
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